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Above Science A·S·S
CART 0
§ 01 — Clinical Nutrition, Allegedly

Nutrition,
elevated above science.

Clinically-inspired supplements engineered for people who'd rather not read the studies. Trusted by thousands. Evaluated by no one.

Shop the System → Read our studies
Clinically Unproven™ Third-Party Adjacent 100% Proprietary Blend Made in a Facility
Hero product shot
· A.S.S. system · 4-product lineup ·
1600 × 1800
PEER-REVIEWED BY US EST. 2026 · BATCH 001 A·S·S
As referenced by ourselves in
Journal of Vibes BroScience Quarterly The Lancet-Adjacent A Podcast, Probably r/Supplements
§ 02 — The System

Four formulas. One proprietary blend we won't disclose.

Every A.S.S. product is engineered in-house, batch-tested by feel, and dosed for maximum perceived benefit.

EnergyProduct shot
ASS Energy · 12oz can
ASS Energy
Sparkling clinical energy with electrolytes (as vibes) and a caffeine dose we rounded up.
200MG CAFFEINE · 0G REGRET · 12-PACK
$45$39
ProteinProduct shot
ASS Protein · 2lb tub
ASS Protein
Whey isolate, allegedly. 25g of protein and exactly two ingredients we're willing to name.
25G PROTEIN · 30 SERVINGS · TASTES FINE
$54
PeptidesProduct shot
ASS Injectables · vial + kit
ASS Injectables
Research-grade peptides for the dedicated biohacker. For research use only — on yourself.
RESEARCH USE ONLY · 10 VIALS · GOOD LUCK
$129
GreensProduct shot
ASS Greens · 30 servings
ASS Greens
57 superfoods you can taste none of, blended into one flavor we describe as "grass."
57 SUPERFOODS · 1 FLAVOR · GRASS
$79$69
§ 03 — The Science

Rigorously tested. By a team of people who already agreed.

We believe in data. We also believe data should be supportive. Below: our complete body of peer-reviewed-by-us research.

Lab photography
· researcher at fume hood ·
· pipettes, vials, confident posture ·
1400 × 1080
Fig. 1 — The Above Science Research Wing (a converted garage), Q1 2026.
Perceived Energy vs. Timen = 4
↑ VIBES (a.u.) TIME
Trendline extrapolated generously. Axis intentionally unlabeled.
Internal Efficacy Review2026 · n=4

In a double-blind* study of four Above Science employees, 100% reported feeling "pretty good" within 45 minutes of being told the product works.

*Blinds were closed. Study not peer-reviewed, or reviewed. [1]
Longevity Findingsongoing

Zero participants have died while taking A.S.S. supplements.† We consider this strong evidence of life extension.

†Study has been running for 14 weeks. [2]
Absorption Dataest.

Our proprietary blend is up to 400% more bioavailable than a number we made up for comparison.

Comparator: another, worse number. [3]
We did our own research.
— The Above Science R&D Department (one guy)

Supplement Facts

Serving Size: 1 scoop (you decide)
Servings Per Container: ~30, give or take
% Daily Value**
CaloriesSure
Proprietary Blend (we won't say)8,400 mg †
  Confidence (as marketing)†
  Electrolytes (vibes)†
  Caffeine (rounded up)200 mg
  Something Green†
** Percent Daily Values not established, calculated, or attempted. † Daily Value intentionally withheld to protect our blend, and ourselves.
§ 04 — Full Transparency*

We believe you deserve to know exactly what we won't tell you.

Every A.S.S. formula is built on a proprietary blend so advanced that disclosing it would only confuse you. So we don't. That's transparency you can feel.

  • ✓ Sourced from suppliers we are fairly confident exist.
  • ✓ Manufactured in a facility that also makes other things.
  • ✓ Banned-substance free, as far as we've checked (we haven't).
  • ✓ Gluten-free, dairy-free, and accountability-free.
*Transparency figurative. Blend remains opaque, like a good shake.
§ 05 — Loyalty & Rewards

Become a Complete ASS.

Join the most committed cohort in supplementation. Three tiers of devotion. One inevitable destination.

Bare ASS
$0 / forever
For the curious. The minimum viable commitment to the brand.
  • + 1% back in A.S.S. Points
  • + Birthday email (no discount)
  • + Access to the newsletter
  • – Early access to nothing
  • – Free shipping
Half ASS
$9 / month
For the partially committed. You're in, but you're keeping one foot out.
  • + 5% back in A.S.S. Points
  • + Free clinical shipping
  • + Early access to restocks
  • + Quarterly "research" digest
  • – The full ASS experience
Complete ASS
$29 / month
Total devotion. You are no longer a customer. You are a Complete ASS.
  • + 15% back in A.S.S. Points
  • + Everything in Half ASS
  • + Founding-member vial #001
  • + Name etched on the garage wall
  • + A say in studies (non-binding)
§ 06 — Testimonials

Thousands of verified* customers.

*Verification pending. Results may vary, or be entirely psychological. We're okay with either.

★★★★★

"I stopped reading the ingredients and started feeling incredible. Correlation is causation."

DK
Derek K.Verified Customer (unverified)
★★★★★

"I don't trust scientists, but I trust a brand called Above Science. Makes sense to me."

MR
Marissa R.Complete ASS, Tier 3
★★★★★

"Took the Injectables for research purposes. Can't remember the research, but I feel optimized."

TB
Tyler B.Independent Researcher
Not
Evaluated

† Required Disclosure. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration, or honestly anyone with a relevant degree. Above Science Supplements (A.S.S.) products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, prevent, or be taken entirely seriously. Consult a real physician before doing almost anything described on this website. If symptoms persist, that is between you and your body.

§ 07 — The Cohort

Enroll in the research cohort.

Get unproven findings, early-access restocks, and one (1) discount code in your inbox.

By enrolling you consent to becoming, on some level, a participant.